I read a post recently – about eyes and what we see about the person behind them. After a conversation with another blogger, it was suggested that I post my eyes. I’m wondering what others see in them.

This first picture was taken with my laptop camera. I was feeling pretty depressed. 


A few minutes ago, I took another with my phone. 



What do you, the reader see in my eyes?

I know that when more of the face is shown, more can be read into it. Eyebrows up or a wrinkled brow. But to see the soul through the eyes, I wanted to see only the eyes. If  I get a few comments, I’ll edit my post and put what I see, but I don’t want to influence any comments with my own perception. I want to hear what others see. 

If I were …

Both Lola and Pride in Madness posted this. After thinking of my responses, I decided to as well. A change from thinking about what I’m about currently. 🙂

How would YOU answer? Here are my thoughts on each, “If I were …”

Those are hard questions for me to answer – but I’ll try.
If I were a politician, I would be unsuccessful because I don’t want to be swayed by parties and institutions more focused on money than doing the right thing.

If I were a pop star, I would actually be able to sing – and that would be great! I can’t sing, and my son has continually informed me of that since he was able to speak. So much for every child loving the sound of their mother’s voice! LOL

If I were a film star, I would be Katharine Hepburn or Audry Hepburn. (same last name, but I don’t think they’re related. ) I just like their style and I’d have loved to be wispy like Audry!

audry hepburn

audry hepburn (Photo credit: c-millie)

If I were a in a soap opera, well let’s just skip that one. I hate them. Dumb and silly.

If I were a writer, I would write adventurous fantasy books like The Hobbit. Books that can take you away and let you forget about your life for awhile.

If I were a tv host, I would be witty, down to earth good looking, honest, sincere … are there any hosts like that out there to compare with?

If I were a criminal, I would be Robin Hood. You know the story!

If I were a mythical beast, I would be a forest elf. Still going with the wispy look of Audry Hepburn.

If I were a Disney character, I would be the main character in Brave. Although I haven’t seen the movie – I’m going off of the commercials.

If I were a drug, I would be – WOW, that one’s REALLY tough! Do I want to repair something, create a feeling, or what? I really don’t know.

Our New Puppy


If I were an animal, I would probably be a dog. Wanting and giving lots of love, likes to learn         things, can chill or go on an adventure with you. Strong bonds, yet still maintaining their own personality.

  If I were a piece of food, I would be lasagna – complex and simple (depending on how you make it), enjoyed by most people, comforting to eat, warm, good food. Haven’t made it in years though.

   If I were an illness, I would be – why would anyone want to be an illness? As it is, I already feel like I am an illness that plagues my world. Skip.

If I were a mood, I would be sunny, positive and loving. Also passionate.

If I were a holiday resort, I would be Hedonism II. A fun place to be.

If I were a pattern, I would be paisley. Don’t know exactly why, just like the swirls and curves. Remind me of the yin yangYin and yang stones

If I were a tree, I would be an old, strong oak tree. Great for climbing, been around to see A LOT, provide shelter to what is in the branches and what rests below. But a maple would be cool too, with great color in the fall. No, an oak.

Suggested Alternatives to Self Harming – Do they work?

self harm

self harm (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I’ve read, I’ve researched, I’ve surfed the internet, I’ve met with counselors …

Several alternatives to the actual act of cutting, burning, etc (for me this also includes punching things like cinder block walls) are offered to create a distraction that is visual or tactile while not harmful. I personally have not found them effective, but am wondering if anyone else has or what suggestions have been successful for you.

Here is  what hasn’t worked for me:

1.  ice

2. drawing in red where I would cut

3. hot and cold water

4. hitting something with less resistance (pillows)

5. working with clay


Immediate Thoughts

My husband and I got into a fight today. Poor communication? I wasn’t quite understanding what he was asking and feeling put on the spot? He thought he was being clear and that it was a simple request … I felt like I was doing it wrong … I wasn’t doing it the way he wanted it done. He said I was again making a really big thing out of a little thing.

My immediate thought was a repeating “I want to hurt myself, I want to hurt myself. I’m not hurting myself but I REALLY want to hurt myself.”

BPD really sucks. I feel locked up inside myself today.