Update – Feeling Horrible

Something’s wrong and I can’t figure it out. I went off the latuda because, although it helped my mood, it made me feel really creepy. I felt like my skin was crawling and couldn’t handle not doing something – although nothing was what I wanted to do. So now I’m on lamotrigine (building up my dosage). I’m apprehensive of side effects. The last time I was on this, I gained 25 pounds in one month, so was quick to get off it. Hopefully it was something else that made me gain the weight back then, and the lamotrigine will work this time. Aside from that, I have overwhelming feelings of dissatisfaction with my life. It seems to all be for naught. I can’t find success in anything I do. I’m not adding to anything. 

And then there’s losses. Last May, my dad passed away and I’m still not over it. In a few months, my son graduates from high school and moves out and into his new life. My mom is 89 and doing well, but life keeps moving and people will keep passing out of my life. I can’t seem to get anything figured out anymore. My head can’t wrap around simple tasks. I’m moody and don’t even realize it until it’s pointed out. I want to crawl into bed and never leave. 

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