Thanksgiving with LOTS of People

At my sister’s for Thanksgiving. There were a lot of people! I get anxious in crowds, even if it’s all family. I did end up with a small burn on my arm as a coping mechanism. Something to focus on (the sensation) when the noise and smells of cologne got to be too much. It’ll heal quickly and probably leave no scar. It helped.  I did have a good time and don’t think I ate or drank too much.

My new medication, Latuda, seems to be helping. I see the PA about meds on Monday. I will tell all. I see my counselor on Tuesday. Same same. I’m fortunate that she’s willing to do DBT with me one-on-one since the group meets while I’m at work.

It’s been a good visit to Wisconsin and D.C. to see my family this week. The burn isn’t a big deal, really.

weird feeing after self injury, thrill of the secret shared with myself. I’ve had this feeling before. Part of what can make it addictive. Adrenaline rush. Therein lies a danger.

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Home again, home again. Home again, now!

I had a wonderful two week (almost) visit back to Wisconsin to be with my parents for Christmas. I was also able to see and catch up with a lot of friends and previous colleagues. Seeing my elderly father settling into a daily routine, in his independent living apartment community, and stick to it despite having company, gave me a good feeling. He and my mother are comfortable there and have made a lot of friends. My dad gets out of the apartment for a coffee hour and lunch every day – which means that he is seeing and interacting with people other than my mother. When they were still in their house, he would often go for a week or more seeing only her (or me when I went over.) That was stressful for both of them! We all know what it’s like when you spend too much time with only one other person. Even the best relationships can get ouchy! Although my mom has been able to come and visit me here in California, and will again, I doubt my dad will be able to due to physical limitations. That was why it was so important for me to go see them over Christmas.

my son, dad, mom and me

Peter, Dad, Mom and me

Dad, Mom and me

Dad, Mom and me

father and daughter

father and daughter

I also was able to have Christmas with my sisters-in-law and their families. A long tradition on Christmas day, of rotating homes, will no longer include our house unless they all decide to come out here one Christmas! It was a long day starting with picking my son up at the airport after his overnight flight from San Francisco. Then it was back to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a belated Christmas Eve time (when my family usually does Christmas) before we headed down to the in-laws.

My niece and her husband

My niece and her husband

Anxiety always plagues me over the holidays. I know that the get togethers are all about family, but the eating disorder part of my history and mentalness always kicks in and can’t quite do the food thing very well. I don’t purge, but I do over eat and eat to cope with anxiety, little depressions and any little thing I harbor. I’ve never felt able to talk to others very much about my food issues. And there are so many issues that touch upon it!

Peter and his second cousin  (I think that's what his cousin's son would be?!)

Peter and his second cousin (I think that’s what his cousin’s son would be)

drummer boys!

drummer boys!

Spending all that time away from home also drastically impacted my ability to get any exercise or spend time meditating. The weather didn’t make me feel like walking (cold, snow, gray, wind – all the reasons I moved away from Wisconsin winters!) as well as being in my parents small apartment. LOTS of just sitting occurred. I can feel in throughout my body – like a slug. I desperately tried to meditate every day. I think I was successful only once. Every other time, either the phone would ring, someone would walk in or, if I tried before bed, I would fall asleep.

But I am home now. It was a wonderful visit, but it was time to come home. Seven hours of flight time (2 legs) and a mad dash through the Houston airport have gotten me : home again, home again. Home again, now!

Time to go meditate then go for a much needed walk!

Looming ahead

I’ve been home with my parents for three days now and so far so good. I arrived here after being awake for about 36 hours straight (I don’t know how much you can count an hour and a half nap on a plane when you’re hearing all of the noises around you!) 

So far, no anxiety or depression! YEA!!! I’ve been able to visit several friends and do a lot of catching up. Tomorrow brings a blizzard, so I doubt I’m going anywhere.  I bought a peg loom to try and learn how to knit some hats. Maybe I’ll be able to knit one for my niece’s two year old tomorrow.