Confused –

The episode has ended. I’ve tried to talk about it. I don’t know what to say – I hate myself like this. I don’t know how to change. Nothing seems to help. Maybe I should be turned over to the state and hospitalized, but I doubt they’d do that because the episodes aren’t continuous. Only every 2-3 weeks. So the rest of the time should be fine, right? Live life knowing that “IT” is coming, you just don’t know when. I can’t live with me. How can I expect anyone else to either? And what have I got to look forward to? Research says symptoms tend to lessen during your 40’s. Mine never did and now I’m in my 50’s. Is this pattern to repeat for the next 20, 30 or ever 40 years? What kind of life is that for me or anyone close to me? I’ve ceased to be of benefit to anyone. Enough said.

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