Hope

I have an appointment for a county evaluation this coming Thursday. Evaluations always confirm my BPD, depression and anxiety. It’s what can be done that I’m looking for.

Image

By the way, my dog Chi seems to be 100% again!the vet thinks it was an autoimmunity. Cortisone helped. I sure do love her. When I broke down last week, she quickly jumped up on my bed and curled into me as I sobbed. It was the first time she’d jumped up on the bed in a month. She did it for me.

Advertisements

Chi update

Thanks for all the kind thoughts for my dog, Chi. It’s been two weeks, but she’s slowly getting better. There’s a little bounce in her step, her tail is wagging, she wants to interact with us … but doesn’t really want to play or go for a hike yet. Things really turned around after she got a cortisone shot, and some different medications (and prednisone.) I worry that the underlying cause has to do with the bones in her hips and hind legs. I don’t know if she will be ok for the long term after the medication course is done, or if we will have a good spell and then need to repeat. She’s only a year old. I hope to have many years of love with her still. But for now, I’ll enjoy what we have. She was a lifesaver, last fall, when I was REALLY depressed and needed her unconditional love. She gave it as only a puppy or dog can.  IMG_1682 IMG_2339 IMG_1371

 

 

Worry and Panic about my dog

Chi

Chi

 

My dog has been lethargic the last several days. She ran and played hard on Friday. Saturday found her quiet and sleeping. A little stiff, I thought. Same same on Sunday. I began wondering if she’d picked up a bug. That  would take a few days to work through, so I tried to be patient on Monday. By Monday night, I noticed that her stool was very soft, though not diarrhea. She continues to eat, but only wants to get up when she needs to go outside. I was gone for several hours yesterday (Tuesday) and didn’t get home until early evening. Still very lethargic. My husband noticed that some bumps were showing on her snout. Bumps like the ones that erupted on  her snout last spring – and she was on two antibiotics for weeks. Ears down, tail down, trouble getting up from her bed. I felt desolate with worry about what was going on. She’s only a year old.

I was up with her for a couple of hours during the night. She did walk outside (it may have helped hearing deer munching on the twigs and leaves of branches we had trimmed, right next to the.) This morning, she  is walking a little better, but still doesn’t want to get up.  Thankfully, I’m able to get her into the vet’s office in a few hours. So, stool sample in hand (in a baggie), I hope to get some answers and help for her soon. She’s my baby girl, after all, and has been there for me through a lot of depression last fall. She’s my Chi.

I just realized …

I just realized I haven’t written in about a week. I have been busy reading other blogs, playing with my puppy (3 months old), making new friends here through swimming class. TODAY, my outlook is good. I’ve had periods of sadness, anger, anxiety … the gamut that usually torment me … but not for sustained periods. The blogs of others, especially  Jaen Wirefly’s (You Know You’re Borderline When …) posts on mindfulness and Gypsy’s (Through my eyes: Adventures in Boreline Land) reminder to think positively. Others have shared progress going on in their lives (Mandi) and just shared some humorous anecdotes about their family and children (John the Aussie). There are others and you’ve all kept me moving forward!

My husband now is employed, almost full time, although still no benefits, so that takes some of the worry off. He is not pressuring me to go back to work yet. I want to, but don’t feel the time is right just now. Making friends and building that support network, here in a new environment, is what I need to do first. The people in our community are very friendly and welcoming. I’m putting forth the effort to make friends, which I never really did before. I’m struggling with parenting a 16 year old boy – who is a great kid, but is still a 16 year old boy with all that that entails. Thank God I’m not a single parent!

Having more than a day or two in a row without the yuk is kind of scary, but good. I’ve been having days with short periods of distress that I’ve been able to stay with and not succumb to. I appreciate the good days and know the bad days won’t last forever. But I know this “thing” won’t ever leave me for good also, and that’s somewhat distressing – but is what it is and not an excuse to check out. I do have a son to set an example for.