Current History on me:
My name is Catherine, but for the purposes of posting, I go by Hawkruh. Either is fine. I am 49 years old. I’ve been married for almost 30 years and with my husband for 32 years. I was first diagnosed when I was 29 years old, but no one explained what BPD was, so I remained clueless as to what I struggled with and what I could do about it. I’ve suffered with depression, bulimia (except now I get searing pains in my chest that stop me from throwing up) and self mutilation from cutting and burning. I was recently re-introduced to my formal diagnosis of BPD and have decided that I don’t want to live this way anymore. If I do, I will lose my husband and, probably, my son. I have to address this and do everything I can to recover. This is a very difficult time for me. I am moving 2,000 miles away from my parents and the state I have lived in for most of my life. I am hopeful that this move will help me to make positive changes. I really need them!
Ancient History on me:
I’ve struggled with emotions and erratic behavior for most of my life. I was a very sensitive child, often being the one to cry when my brother and sister would fight or when kids would tease me sister at school. When my sister broke her ankle in 3rd grade and had to be tutored at home, I developed psychosomatic symptoms that kept me out of school for much of that time also. Fear of abandonment. Oh, did I mention we’re twins? Not identical though. Bulimia and self-harming started when I was 16. Cutting and burning when I was about 21. In 1984, I was taking a class that involved writing poetry and short stories. In my May (2012) posts, I include a post Memory Poem and a 4 part post The Secret (the short story from that class) that unknowingly address my BPD. Indeed, they were written years before I was diagnosed for BPD or treated for any kind of mental illness.