Why?

For some reason, my depression came back and smacked me upside my head this afternoon. I’ve felt emotional good for quite awhile now. I hate this feeling – and especially that I have to push it down and hide it … Pretending that all is well even when it is sucking out my emotions. I HAVE to hide it. I have to. Anxious Fearful Angry. For the first time in a very very long time, I wanted to punch a cinder block wall. I put the knuckles of my fist up to it and turned my fist, pushing through as I would in a power punch.

Aging

I’ve just spent the last four days with my mother for her 90th birthday. I am in awe of how well she is doing. Yes, some of her quirks have become a little quirkier, and it’s harder for her to hear. Her humor is just as quick, her posture straight up, her love of books and reading has plenty of time to be fed (a favorite site is to see her with her legs draped over the side of her chair, like a teenager, deep into her current read) and she’s in a safe apartment surrounded by caring friends. Unless the weather is bad, she puts on her heavy binoculars and ventures out for an hour of bird watching every morning. And, yes, she also does water aerobics twice a week.

This was a special opportunity to share a special event. Rather than my visit being a gift for her, it truly was more of a gift for me. I’ll hold it dear forever.

Happy 90th Birthday Mom! I continually love and admire you, trying to follow your example.