Long Week and Feeling the Stress

The first trimester of school is almost over. I can’t believe we’re a third of the way through the school year already! I still don’t feel like I’m on firm ground, there’s so much to do and to get used to. On top of lots of assessments of students, meetings, teaching … I’m exhausted and typically spend ten hours a day at school. And, I’m not sleeping very well, unless I take three different things to help me get to sleep.

This week has been especially stressful. There’s been a lot of anxiety. My first meeting of the week went well on Monday. I had another on Wednesday that wasn’t so good. I was nervous and the computer program/site that we process our paperwork on wasn’t working correctly and really messed up my report. Can’t blame it … that’s just what happens sometimes. But, because I’m new there and feeling unsure about teaching after 2.5 years away from it, the way that meeting went felt horrible. One of the other specialists saw me later in the day and could tell how much I’m struggling. She was very supportive and tried to help me feel more secure in what I do. I am very lucky to work with people like her!

Yesterday was going pretty well, until a student in my room had an absentee seizure. It wasn’t stopping, nurse was there, 911 called … I think he’s ok though. 🙂

Today was crazy, crazy! We had a fire drill and evacuation drill first thing. Got back to school and was able to work with two classes before lunch. Just as lunch was ending. we found out there was a gunman incident happening in town and the whole school district went into lockdown mode. For three hours! Everything at school was ok. Unfortunately, two police officers were killed and another injured.

On top of all this going on, I’m struggling with finding a new doctor to prescribe my medications. I think I need to see a general practitioner first. I only have about a month of meds left, so it’s a time issue. I’m on new insurance, so everything has to switch. I’ve been working on it, but seem to call after business hours. That’s on me – to find the time and remember to call when someone is available to take my call.

Please understand, I’m not complaining and I hope it doesn’t come across as if I am. It’s just been a difficult transition and I am struggling with it. Unfortunately, the stress has triggered my bulimia and I’m using that to cope more often. Not a good plan! I feel the decades of it in my chest whenever I do purge. I started writing this post because I’m feeling very full from the pot pie I had for supper. I really wanted to purge, but didn’t. I hate that full feeling. At least it’s good that my meds have my BPD well in check!

Thanks for reading through my ramblings.

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7 thoughts on “Long Week and Feeling the Stress

  1. It’s good to hear that you have ability to function even when it’s extra stressful.
    You do have some important things established (the meds and the commitment to work and the schedule etc).

    I did not hear anything in your writing that sounded like complaining. I think it’s very healthy to voice what is going on especially when it’s hard. It’s a sign of health that you are doing this. That is far far from complaining.
    It is important that you make time for finding the person(s) to call during business hours to get your new insurance benefits figured out, to find the docs you need. One month is not very long for doing all that. I’ve noticed that it can take a while to get an appointment even when I’ve found the doc I want to see….then there can be more time if labs are needed and then a follow up appointment etc….Maybe you won’t need all that – it’s just the point that it takes time and you have only a month of meds left as you said.
    I know some benefit plans have an advocate that can answer questions or help move things a long more quickly…they are advocates….that means they work on your behalf. Does your plan have one of those? Make use of what is offered if they do. You deserve it.

    Good for you for acknowledging that the stress is triggering bulimia to cope. It’s good to keep sharing. I know from experience that this behavior is harder as we get older. It’s a small victory that you endured the full feelings after eating rather than purging. It’s hard to do that. But each time you do that you strengthen new neural pathways that are better. It does get easier to deal with that over-full feeling. It can be a trigger initself. I just think you are doing so good to be writing and sharing.

    Thanks H. You have a lovely kind heart and I sense it.

  2. I don’t like the whole ‘YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANT’ thing, so I won’t do it! When people say that to me, I’m like, ‘well, I am not doing brilliantly’ and I feel like the other person doesn’t understand still all the other stuff going on with me.

    So, I will say, that you are doing REAL good. Haha, there you go! It is NOT all easy and it’s obvious to see that is the case, but you really are doing real good and I admire your strength and persistence. I really do…

    May you continue on in strength and all the successes you are making. xx

  3. I’m with A, it’s an automatic to say how awesome you’re doing but I know how I respond when someone says that to me. 🙂 It doesn’t sound like you’re complaining, just being real. As you know I haven’t done real well when I’ve gone back to work (though am going to try it again) so can kinda relate to the struggle. It’s outwardly seen as progress, but internally it’s a battle! Hopefully getting set up with a doctor will help relieve some of the stress. You’ve made it through the first 1/3 of the year! Sorry it’s taken so long to respond, I’ve been sick and had a ton going on. My brain ditches out on me sometimes. 🙂 Been thinking bout you though! Hope this week goes well!

    • Functional … Highly functional. They put a label like that on me and i feel like i HAVE to be abke to fo it, and do it well. But when the doors are closed , or even better, alone in a dark bathroom with the door licked, snd i just want to let it all spill out.

    • I hope sll is at least calm for you M. But we know the storms that rage beneath calm surfaces. I feel so much pressure to be able to do it, and do it well. But the reality is that im the one putting most of that pressure on myself. I still wonder if i returned too soon. But there was no way of knowing without actually doing it. Hows your boxing going? Any fights on the horizon (other than mental ones with J?)

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