I’ve been trying to catch up on reading blogs I follow (apologies if I’m behind on reading yours.) Reading is making me take a look at how I’m doing. Keeping up is a big part of that. I’ve returned to teaching, after being off for a few years, and am already back to working 10 hour days and feeling like that isn’t enough. I’m not cutting or burning (good thing!) but am struggling with bulimia again. I eat, then eat too much. As the food sits in my stomach afterwards, the fullness expands and feels like an expanded sponge, but as heavy as lead. Some days, life events keep me from doing what my natural reaction is ( purging ), other times I lose the battle. I know it is a coping mechanism for trying to do my best at work and feeling like it’s not enough. How to balance it in a healthy way is a huge challenge. Right now, I’m feeling it and fighting it.
The last time I went to see my counselor, she wasn’t there. She’d called in sick, but no one at the office seemed to know about it, and I sat waiting. It wasn’t the first time. And, I drove an hour to get there. I have a phone session coming up with her. My insurance just changed also. I don’t think her office takes it, so that means finding a new support person. That scares me, both financially (though my husband would challenge that statement) and feeling like I’m starting over.
After reading another blog http://mmstores.wordpress.com/2014/09/21/september/ I wonder about returning to my martial arts. Time and energy hold me back as much as the physical challenge of it. It would be a good thing to do. I’ll plant that seed and it will hopefully grow to fruition.
Now, to keep myself busy until the feeling in my stomach passes. That would also be a good thing.