Feeling it coming on …

My week has been going well, until I opened the mail this afternoon. There was a letter from the state health insurance that my son has – saying he doesn’t qualify for the program. WTF!!! He qualifies as a minor, while we don’t have health insurance. I made phone calls and left messages and now have to wait until a county worker has time to call me back and explain what’s going on. I’m sure it’ll all be righted by the time we’re done. 

As I’m going through this process, I can feel things changing inside me. Frustration and aggravation are mounting, waiting for an incident to tip the scales into an episode. It scares me to feel this. I don’t usually recognize when “the change” is happening, but today I do.  I’m hoping that recognizing it will help me quell the eruption. I don’t want Kilimanjaro to explode.

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9 thoughts on “Feeling it coming on …

  1. I bet it will work out! But I TOTALLY relate to the stress of something that is probably fine possibly leading you down a bad path. I hope something steps in the way!

    • Thanks Mandi, I did get a call back later. Papers are being resent. Still a bit anxious (and it could still trigger more) but I feel ok today, so PHEW! Tragedy narrowly averted!

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  2. This really jumps out at me:…..”I don’t usually recognize when “the change” is happening, but today I do”

    It sounds like you are developing your “witnessing self”. I’ve had this experience of recognizing when I’m about to decend into one my downward spiral or tangled balls of depression. I used to not see it coming. I do feel it is big progress to see it even though I can’t do much about it – yet.

    Thanks for sharing your process. I hope you don’t get too down.
    x

    • Thanks – I actually made it through the rest of the day without a meltdown. I did get a call back about the insurance and new paperwork is on its way. Even though I feel in balance right now, my anxiety about the insurance could precipitate a bad experience, but I’m more hopeful this time.

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  3. I hope things will turn out well eventually! It sounds good to me that you feel in advance what’s going on inside yourself, and I hope you’ll find a way to prevent or lighten the eruption.

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