An inkling of why I fight with my son so much

Another fight with my son today, although not a huge one. Now he’s off with a friend, husband’s gone for the afternoon, and I just had a drink. Doing yard work that I’d asked my son to do (and pay him for doing) that he just wasn’t getting around to doing – I got to thinking about our relationship.

I keep being told that I’m driving him away, when there is less than a year until he’s 18 and ready to head out on his own, instead of appreciating the time. Why? That question keeps plaguing me. I know that in the past I have not let people get close, or showed/told them my worst to see if it would be too much for them. Kind of pushing them away from me before they chose to leave (abandon) me because I was “too bad.” Is this what I’m doing with my son? Pushing him away because I know he’ll be leaving anyway?

I create my own Hell.

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10 thoughts on “An inkling of why I fight with my son so much

  1. Would there be any opportunity of doing some family therapy perhaps?
    I’d hate to think that he would go and fly the nest and you would become a lot more distant with him, with is both natural, but if you are arguing and having confrontations, even more so.

    • My husband won’t do family therapy, but my son might. The clinician was suppose to connect me with a therapist, but I haven’t heard back from her. They were about to move the office. I’ll put a call into her. Things got worse last night, but I refrained from cutting or burning. It hearts SO bad inside though. Today, I’m really depressed.

      Visualize

      >

      • I know how you are feeling. For different reasons, but still sucky and bad, so I know what you are going through.

        That would be so positive if your son would do the therapy. Make sure to chase up on them. Oh, I know the story about having to chase up on people too!

        I hope you start feeling less depressed. I’ve been numb from it for a few days now. BAD.

        Feel better.

  2. I had a thought while reading this – that for most teenagers, going through adolescence is really intense, difficult, and a lot about separating from parents. So even with average parents without mental illness, it’s challenging. I guess I’m wondering if a part of the difficulties is just that stage for your son. Not to blame him, but also not to put it all on you either.

    I do understand the thing about pushing someone away before they can leave you. I’ve done that. It’s a sort of survival thing, an attempt to reduce really difficult pain. There could be layers of wounds or deeper stuff that is being triggered now.

    I hope you can get some help with this too.
    xxoo

  3. Ugh. You know how awesome I am at pushing people away. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that YOU haven’t, created this hell. I believe that being connected to a therapist will help. Will be thinking of you as always!!

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