Anxiously Confused!

English: An anxious person

English: An anxious person (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just got back yesterday from a two day get- away with my husband. It was a lot of fun and the depression I’d been feeling previous to it was gone. We really enjoyed each others company and he had surprised me with a night in a hotel suite – complete with in room hot tub!

My anxiety began to rise as we headed home. I felt close to a panic attack and my chest felt really tight. By the time we got home, I needed to go lie down in bed for awhile. I’m confused about it all. Is it about being home? My soon to begin job? Relationships? Last night, I felt depressed. But not this morning. I’m off to meet some of the people I’ll be working with, tour the rooms and hand in some paperwork. We’ll see how I’m feeling after that.

I just want to cry and am having a hard time holding it in.
Sigh!

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8 thoughts on “Anxiously Confused!

  1. I often feel tense and depressed and find it very hard to entangle and understand where it’s coming from. Thinking about it too much tends to make it worse at times and is very exhausting. So what helps me is to accept that things are being like that and be kind to myself and allow myself some pleasant distraction or rest. I’ve been learning this from my husband because I didn’t know how to be kind to myself and allow myself rest and easy distraction without feeling like a complete loser and beating myself up for it, however it helps me to see how he does it himself, and that makes it a lot easier.

    • It IS difficult to rest and be kind to myself rather than getting down on myself. I will be seeing a compassionate friend tomorrow. That may help.

  2. I frequently go through stages of depression where I don’t know if it’s actually clinical or situational. Sometimes it’s just plain hard to tell. I agree with Kath, be easy on yourself.

  3. Yeah for having a nice time away with your hubby. So glad to hear that you enjoyed each other.

    I was wondering if the panic is maybe originating in you on a biochemical level rather than it being due to outside events/people etc. I know sometimes for me I blame my mental health for my struggles, my ways of reacting to outside circumstances. When it’s not my fault it’s being overly tired or malnourished or more recently i’m discovering how much is due to poor gut health. Realizing this has helped alleviate some of the shame.

    Some of this biochemical based stuff can be work on through healing the gut or at least removing gluten and dairy or identifying what is the trigger. Those are the super common ones but everyone is individual.

    I hope you have a good transition to work.

    • Thanks Gel. I have been working on my gut health some, but need to do more. If I ever get health insurance, it may be easier to explore the details of my health better.

  4. I think the guy up there keeps looking at me. Op, I looked again. He is. 🙂

    I’m really glad that you had a good time away with your husband! I’m so glad he was thinking of you and surprised you. 🙂

    I personally get VERY anxious nearly every time I come home. Even if it’s just from being in town for an appointment. I get sick to my stomach, I basically run for the bedroom just to calm down and get centered. For me, home means going back to reality. A lot of guilt, sadness, anger… When I’m away I can avoid all that most of the time. When I’m headed home, I stop for a caramel frappe and try to prepare myself. Mark and I talk sometimes about what I’ll do when I do get home. We went camping recently, on the way home we walked through what I needed to do when we got there. It sounds stupid, but it helps me a lot.

    Anyway, we all work differently, that’s how it is for me.

    I hope the rest of the day went well, that you liked the people you’ll be working with!

    • I hadn’t thought about returning to home being a return from reality. but I think you’re right. I wish I could talk with my husband the way you and Mark talk. Another reality. The rest of the day went ok, yet I still found myself depressed. When I went to bed, I just started crying. I hate to think of still being like this as the years continue to roll by.

      • I wish I didn’t know how you feel, I’m sad you’re feeling this way. I don’t think it’s going to always be this way! I really don’t. You’ve had some long term (in our world) ups, and maybe this job will be a HUGE help! The fact that your husband took you on such a special anniversary sounds like an improvement. I wish there were more “Mark’s”, I’m more blessed more than he’ll ever know.
        I know, we’re all hypocritical… but if we weren’t able to encourage each other when things suck we’d be screwed! 🙂

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