I’m teetering. Trying to maintain, but teetering. My mind and body want to crash, but my heart and soul are struggling to hold on. So far, my heart and soul are winning, though the shadows continue to try and push me off balance. 





3 thoughts on “Teetering

  1. I want to understand but I don’t. Not sure what it means that your mind and body want to crash….it that tiredness?

    There are a lot of words that are descriptive of movement qualities in your writing. Have you ever thought of letting your body move with the way you feel?

    I’m not trying to suggest that you do anything. but since you have a martial arts background I’m guessing that you have a finely tuned connection with your body and movement. Could it be a way to express or release stuff?

    i’m not attached to you doing anything differently….I don’t like advice giving in general. I feel curious though.

    Thanks for staying in touch.

    • It feels like I could easily lose the stability that I’ve felt lately. I have to do a lot of self talk to not fall into emotional disregulation where every emotion seems to be one of pain, sadness, loss or discomfort. You’re right about a lot of my words being about movement. What I want is peace and stability – but those are almost foreign to me. I’m curious about movement for emotional expression, but when the depression sets in, or hurt, I just want to curl up in a ball like an armadillo. Emotional nerves are raw. A look or disapproving word feels like I’m a horrible person who can’t do relationships right. It’s all messed up, and what can be going wonderfully one moment can crash out of the blue. Very frustrating and disheartening. When it’s good, it feels like that feeling could go on forever, but it never does for very long. Even medication doesn’t help much.

      • Hi H.
        Thanks for explaining. I can really relate to being so sensitive to looks and criticism from others….and how that can set off the inner self critic and other bleakness. That happens to me a lot. I tend to be very selective about who I’m around.

        I wish we could get rid of the programming of being a horrible person. I know it’s not true….

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