Meditation and the uprising

I’ve been trying to meditate several times a week lately. I enjoy it as a time of relaxation and calming of my mind and senses. There are several guided meditations that I’ve used, but the one I’ve focussed on most lately is: “Awakening Kundalini Meditation” by Kelly Howell. Usually, I feel very good and relaxed as the meditation opens up various areas of my body. At one point, energy is sent up the spine towards the head.

Screen Shot 2012-12-07 at 8.29.33 AM

Yesterday, that upward push of energy was totally blocked and was almost painful. I felt very anxious throughout it. Instead of energy massaging my brain positively, I felt a churning cauldron of colors locked in my gut. The energy would go no higher than that. Fractured images of faces – not positive ones – appeared and disappeared in my mind’s eye. I found waiting and wanting the meditation to be over with.

English: Diagram of chakras and Kundalini in a...

English: Diagram of chakras and Kundalini in a human being Italiano: Diagramma dei chakra e della Kundalini in un essere umano (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve never experienced this with meditation before. Is it connected with my weaning off of mood medications? My hope is that by continuing to work through and stay with the meditations, I will be able to stay grounded and flow with the energy, not blocking it. Something is trying to happen within me. Perhaps the meditation will keep me breathing and give me a path to turn to when I’d rather turn to negativity, rage, cutting, burning, hiding in my head and hating myself. I need to follow this uprising of feeling – even though it doesn’t feel so good. That’s exactly why I need to do it. Enlightenment.

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15 thoughts on “Meditation and the uprising

  1. I have just started a new yoga class that ends with a guided meditation at the end… I am not good at meditating on my own, although I’m aware it brings tremendous benefits. For me, certain forms of yoga are meditation also. I’m trying to do yoga at least twice a week. It has really helped me, so I hope it helps you too. My therapist also suggests putting your face into a bowl (big enough to fit your face) of ice water for as long as you can hold your breath… because as well as being mildly painful, it also somehow resets your brain and removes the anxiety and anger and need to cut. Hopefully you will find some things that work for you to manage symptoms without medication 🙂 xo.

    • I’ll have to keep the bowl of ice water idea handy! Thanks. Today I tried the meditation again (it’s the same one) and everything was pretty dark, but I didn’t feel as anxious. I’ll keep working on it, as well as other guided meditations. I love my yoga class. It would be really nice if we did a meditation there also.

  2. I think it’s wonderful that you are doing this! You are taking action in your best interest. That sounds like healthy self care. There are so many ways to meditate. This one you are doing sounds interesting. It’s not one I’ve tried. In this meditation you are doing, does it give you a way to moderate the intensity of the uprising of energy? I mean do you have choice as to how intense it gets?

    I have done chakra meditations though. What works best for me is some kind of movement with mindfulness or simply following my breath.

    It was interesting timing to get the notice of your new post today. My husband and I went to do a walking meditation using a giant labyrinth (on the floor) at a church chapel. Then this evening we had some friends over and we all listened to a recorded guided meditation. My husband wanted to do that with a group. I’m not as excited about guided meditations but I decided to give it a try to be supportive. Our cat was a big distraction. On participant had eaten fish for dinner and our cat was terribly excited about that and kept bugging him. Oh Well Ha Ha Ha.

    I would think that weaning off of any type of medication (or any substance for that matter), would cause symptoms, or sensations etc…..just my thought.

    You are taking big steps in weaning off the medication. I hope you can give yourself lots of room, lots of slack, lots of nurturance…what ever helps you get through. I hope your husband and son can also give you lots of love and support. Even if they don’t understand maybe they can be kind.

    • Thanks Gel, This is a recorded guided meditation. I think the intensity has a lot to do with where I’m at – reflective of my anxiety. Part of my anxiety is wanting to connect with my inner self, to become whole. I think I need the guided meditations because I am so distractible myself. They help keep me focused, and even then it’s easy to wander. Hopefully I will someday be able to just sit with myself and my breath and be. That would be wonderful. That is too funny about your cat and the participant who had eaten fish! I can picture it! The ultimate test in meditative focus!! It reminds me of my martial arts training and my black belt test and the focus we had to have during one particular portion while in a deep stance for a long time while the senseis tried to distract us. I focused on a birdhouse and tried to picture myself inside it – not part of what was going on outside. I was told that I did better than anyone else during that part of the test, so I guess I do have it in me somewhere. I just need to reconnect with it.

      Yes, the weaning off medications will cause sensations (I’ve tried it before, ughh!) I’m really trying to be kind to myself and use the yoga, meditation and support of others to help me through this time. The last time I just tried to jump into the deep end of it. I didn’t really know anything about what was going on with myself psychologically either. My eyes are much wider open now. Thanks for your support!

      • I’m currently applying, but the paperwork spins my head. We’ll see. One day at a time. I’ll try. If it doesn’t work, we’ll find a plan B. I live where gold was discovered in CA. Maybe I can take up panning for it in the rivers. I guess I’m also going to start looking for work right after the holidays. Hate to do that just for the insurance, but if I must … my husband still wonders if I’ll be stable enough to work. Again, one day at a time. I may end up blogging every waking minute as a safety net!

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