Posting Suicide

Except for John the Aussie (as a regular) and an occasional other, no one seems to read my blogs any more. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been a regular reader of theirs- and commentar also, I’ve tried to write in different modes that might be more interesting. I’ve tried increasing the tags for my blogs, but still it seems that no one is really all that interested. Thank you, John, for continuing to check in on me. Some days I feel on top of the world and as normal as can be. But when I look at what isn’t happening, I again feel like the lost child that stays hidden in the background. I’m not complaining – it’s just an observation. I guess it’s an ok place to be for me. A good place to observe others, even if no one notices you. A lot can be learned from observing others. I see how lucky I am in the true picture of life. I may have my moments or even days of emotional dis-regulation, self harm, depression anxiety etc, but I know I am loved (even in the midst of arguing) and lovable. I know my depression will come and go and I will have days where I feel joy and thoroughly like almost every aspect of my life. So no one wants to read my blog. There’s not a Da#n thing I can do about that. I will write or not write, as the mood suites me. Is that posting or blogging suicide? Only time will tell.

Cheers all!

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22 thoughts on “Posting Suicide

      • Well remember some of us read it through email notifications. I also sometimes get discouraged when I see 0-2 hits per day for a couple days but then I remember…I’m doing it for me and if a couple people are inspired/moved to follow along that’s great.
        I assure you that I will continue to follow along your journey.

  1. I read! I think it’s hard for everyone to keep up, but I always try to make sure and check in on your blog regularly. I’m sorry you feel that way. Look at my blog, there’s rarely comments and then I look at others and see this whole list of 20 comments and it really does make a person feel like crap! I don’t get stats like others, but I do get a lot who search for a subject and run across my blog. I put a TON of tags though. I cut and paste them post to post, sometimes making a few changes depending on the subject. I figure it they get there and look at the blog they’ll definitely find one of those tags at some point! Look at my tags and see if that makes a difference in your stats. It doesn’t help me with comments, but seeing that some unknown person read my blog helps some. Sending you love over the soon to be snow covered pass!

    PS. Why haven’t I ever run into John the Aussie? You should feel special! 🙂

      • Yes…. that’s very very very true. And sad. It’s takes the word suicide for even friends to take the time to read. My most viewed post of all time? “why suicide makes since”. A close second are titles that include “self harm”.

        Another thing that bothers me, If my title includes anything about Mark, just his name, my stats will be through the roof. He fought cancer for a long time, is truly an amazing person, but to me it kinda proves that people respond to an “invisible” illness SO differently. I also feel like “geez, I love my husband too but why am I not important?” He was a coach and worked a lot with kids, but I was involved in a TON of community activities. It makes me wonder, where the HELL ARE THOSE PEOPLE NOW? I was there when ALL of them needed help. Veterans, foster parents and children, young adults who needed help finding jobs or getting into school,etc… I don’t regret doing any of it, but why is it that just the word “Suicide” or “Mark” are what it takes to get their attention?

        I get your frustrations. A lot of times, when I think about it, I deliberately give posts titles that are full of suspense. 🙂 Yup… manipulative for sure! But I’m not being dishonest and I don’t think it’s wrong. I wrote press releases. I know that titles make a difference.

        A couple other things to consider.. my blog is not anonymous. From looking at my stats, it seems that half of my viewers are people that I know. A LOT of days the most searched for word is my name. Creepy when people find my blog wondering if I’m dead!! Another thing I’ve noticed, many people who have a lot of comments write sometimes several posts a day. Their posts come up on the reader, giving other bloggers a lot more opportunity not only to read but become familiar with the name. And of course a good title!

        Ok this should win an award for “longest comment reply of the year”! 🙂

      • Thanks Mandi, that helped a lot. Maybe I just need to be more creative. You’ve stuck with me through thick and thin also – thanks tons for that. I really do hope we get to get together in person.

  2. Even though I don’t comment regularly, I always read. I frequently don’t know what to say to people and often feel like I’m imposing with my comments or feel guilty because I want to share a similar story and then feel like I’m making their post about me. Anyway…I just wanted to say that. I think that you should write when and if you feel the need/desire… this blog is for you! 🙂 xo.

    • Thanks. It’s always ok to comment. I know what you mean about commenting and feeling like it’s making someone else’s post about yourself. I call that making a connection with someone. 🙂 Isn’t that what some of us are looking for, connections and to know we’re not alone in all this mentalness? We all share so much, even though the details may change – the story line is often quite similar.

  3. See, you are loved by many, but blogging is suppose to be an outlet; or fun; or confessions; or diary; or rants; or even just a picture of a day…. Really, whatever you want it to be.

    Don’t follow others in hopes they follow you, follow others because you want to read them. There are many tips to gain followers, but they are superficial. Only time and writing what you want, will gain an interactive circle if bloggers. Some I follow but they are not interested in my blog at all (they don’t get Aussie humor, or prefer non-cursing blogs) but we interact together in another blog.

    Blogging is for you, not others. Don’t aim to please a crowd, you will only fall to one side, and as you pick yourself up to blog a balance, the crowd will ft the scales full tilt to the other side.

    I follow exactly 300 blogs, (287 wordpress blogs and 13 other blogs from other sites) but I have an unbelievable knack for online time management, sacrificing my posting time to read and contribute to others. I rarely check my own stats, only when I’m called upon it. But looking, the days I don’t post, I get about 15-20 hits, the days I do post I get over 200 a day, knowing many never click to see the blog but only read the email notification sent.
    But here is some tips that don’t bring artificial hits… I don’t know where, but there is a setting that ensures only a preview is sent of the post, not the post entirely, the WordPress help page will guide you in the right direction.
    Use tags in all your posts, from 3-7 is a good amount.
    Use your own pictures (with captions) and/or free to use pictures that do not hold copyright of use.
    Don’t be something your not… I like being a bastard, I’m good at it. But I be damned if I was what I use to be 9 years ago, the rebel, bad boy flame was contained years ago by wife and kidlets. But I still have he remnants of a smartass and downright prick in me. I cannot be a saint, but I can be a Samaritan; I don’t know it all, but I know enough.

    You want a personal tip? Reminisce about the past, present and future. Use your blog to guide you, argue with yourself on here, argue with your brain, bladder, feet, and hair. Find the easy targets and fix them from there, and share how you did it, no matter how insignificant. Each post could counter with a negative vs a positive. Just use the blog for you.

  4. Thanks John. By the way, I love Aussie humour, yours and that of others I’ve known who’ve been there. The comments got me back on my feet. I think I was having a moment of feeling dropped by people and I need to remember that I started this blog for me to beging with.

  5. I’m sorry I was off the gird when this was posted. Wanna here something strange? October 30th is the anniversary of my suicide attempt. Me and mom refer to Halloween as my resurrection since I lived through the night in the hospital. The next day they asked me if I felt like killing myself. I said no. They discharged me. It’s amazing how easy it is to get out of the hospital when you have shitty insurance.

  6. Some days I wonder if I should just go to the hospital and tell them I’m suicidal ( the ideations sure are there these days and I have to wonder if life would be better for my husband and son if I wasn’t here) but how long would they keep me with no insurance? It sucks feeling like this and not knowing if it’ll ever go away to any degree. My son thinks all I do is try and find things to pick on him about and my husband doesn’t know how long he can stick it out after our son is out of high school – and that’s in a year and a half! I’m fuc#@d!

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