Awful

Today is one of those days when I feel just awful. After arguing with my son (teenager) I really wanted to cut, no, stab. For some reason that’s been the urge lately. Why do I want to stab? Maybe because it would be like hitting myself. I held off. I removed myself and drove down an unknown road up the mountain a ways. That was kind of scary when I realized I didn’t have my phone. When I got home, I told him we’d both been acting like jerks. We had been. But I still feel awful. I hope I can eventually get to a point where I’m not such an ass to be around, and don’t bring out so much of it as people respond to me. I know that’s assuming a lot of control over others’ actions, but I’m just looking at their interactions with me. Because, after all, most people are pretty decent, and life is a wondrous experience that I am actually in awe of and pissed that I’m missing out on so much, so let’s get on with it!

Sometimes I hate myself so much though. Tonight is one of those nights. I hope I can make it through without harming myself. The rugs is high. But I’m so sad that my energy is very low. I just want to melt away for the night and hope tomorrow is better.

I made it! Thanks to Angry Birds on my iPhone. Off to sleep.

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