It doesn’t go away “just like that!”

Yesterday I woke up feeling great. Really great! I was motivated to write a list for myself and my son to help us both stay organized ( we both have a tendency to forget what we were going to do, chore-wise.) I was ready to call my mom and let her know i was ok, she didn’t have to worry about me. I was ready to tackle the world because I felt so good. Maybe the last nine months of hell were over and I was able to once again function without crumbling? I was hopeful.
My insurance company had called me last week to tell me that my benefits had ended at the end of June (nice to find out well into July) according to the school I just left report to them.
I melted into tears. Luckily, the person I was talking with had worked with me through the whole process and was very compassionate. I lost all the positive feelings I had, even though I had already started the process for different insurance. When I told the school I was “retiring” from my position, I specifically asked how long I would have insurance coverage and was told it would be through August.
In the span of a few minutes, I found out again that BPD doesn’t go away “just like that!”
I have to keep reminding myself to put that school in the past. It’s hard to do, which is why I have to keep doing it. It doesn’t stay there. Yet. I have a new life to work on here and I won’t let that school be a cancer to kill it.


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