I talked to my husband today about all of the back pain he is having. We both agreed that it will probably be a good idea to send our son back to WI to help with the packing. He and I are back to our arguing here, so time away from being with just me would be to his liking too. But my fear is being here … Alone. Not that I mind being alone, but I don’t take such good care of myself when I’m alone and my thoughts stay inward.
How did I function in a job? Leading meetings? Writing plans? How did I earn a masters degree while doing everything else? And a family? And having an intern? And seeming competent? Once the crack appeared in the facade, there was no turning back. No Dutch boy to plug the hole in the dike with his finger … All my years of attempting to cope have come crashing and crumbling upon me and I’ve got to empty it all off of and out of me to see who I am before I can proceed forward with life. No wonder I’ve transplanted my family into an area where roads make hairpin turns and rockslides can be expected to hamper your path unexpectedly. Control burns take place for safety .. Is that what I do to myself also?