Immediate Thoughts

My husband and I got into a fight today. Poor communication? I wasn’t quite understanding what he was asking and feeling put on the spot? He thought he was being clear and that it was a simple request … I felt like I was doing it wrong … I wasn’t doing it the way he wanted it done. He said I was again making a really big thing out of a little thing.

My immediate thought was a repeating “I want to hurt myself, I want to hurt myself. I’m not hurting myself but I REALLY want to hurt myself.”

BPD really sucks. I feel locked up inside myself today.


11 thoughts on “Immediate Thoughts

  1. Today is bad for me as well. Panic attack last night and I feel a huge amount if anxiety. I just keep thinking about how much I hate this, how much I dont want to do it anymore. Im still in bed petrified to even sit up. Im just rocking back and forth wanting to be ok. I hope this isnt about medications.

    • Today is even worse than yesterday. is it the increasing anxiety of moving, of knowing I’ll be away from my husband, of leaving my elderly parents (especially my mom), of needing my mood stabilizer increased …? I’m so glad that I have you fellow bloggers to share thoughts and experiences and support with. Hang tight Mandi. I’m here for you. When I get to CA, I’ll drive up to visit you any time you’d like.

      • Thanks 🙂 Today was better for me. I’m not sure why it was better, and I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring. When it’s bad like that you can’t help but worry about whats coming next. When are you moving? Are you moving for work?

  2. I’m moving in 1 month (June 19th) – to leave Wisconsin weather behind: the winter cold and snow and the summer humidity. Still need to find a job though.

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