Memory Poem

As I was cleaning for a house showing tonight, I came across some poems I wrote for a college class 26 years ago (WOW!) I was far from diagnosed yet had experienced years of symptoms. My professor had conferred with me and suggested changes, but I couldn’t comply. Here’s the poem. We learned about forms that didn’t follow “traditional” poem formats. This was a memory poem. I guess it’s a repeating memory for me. I kept TRYING to show people how much pain I was in. No one ever got it. I’ll post a short story I wrote about dosing that was very explicit, but got me nowhere.  All to show I’m lucky to be alive!

 

Not So Long Ago …

 

There was a time

when life was painful

for me.

I don’t know why,

but I hurt – deep inside.

A look or word,

from someone I loved,

was enough to torment me

until I had to see,

really see, the pain.

For this I needed a wound,

a burn, to work at

whenever life hurt too bad.

It worked.

And I felt better, for awhile.

Eventually, it was not enough and

I found other ways

to deal with the pain

that was just life after all.

But I still carry the scars,

reminding me of that time.

Sometimes I miss the working

and what it is for,

although I now know

there are better ways.

Life goes on.

 

Self-harm

Self-harm (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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5 thoughts on “Memory Poem

  1. I wish you healing and health. Poetry got me through the toughest times in my life, and writing in general. It must something to look back at something like this. Are you better adjusted now with the dx and what not?
    Do you still write?

    • I do still write at times and will probably be doing quite a bit more in the near future. Often, it’s easier to write than to talk. That’s why I started blogging.

      • I just noticed the crazy typos I had with my last comment, hah.
        And yes, writing is easier than talking sometimes. Sometimes it’s not, either way though, it’s quite cathartic I must say.

    • Knowing other ways does not always take away the desire. But the action of cutting or any self harm is a slippery slope that can be very dangerous to linger on, no matter how good it may feel.

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