I just read this blog that truly explains BPD in a straight forward way. I hope everyone who reads my blog follows the link and reads it. https://authorjaenwirefly.wordpress.com/
Not a good afternoon. I had emailed my husband the above link, forever trying to explain/help him understand who or what I am, but he never responded in any way. This evening, I sent him another email saying that even if he doesn’t want to talk about it (I will respect that) it would mean a lot to me for him to acknowledge getting the email and reading it, and following/reading the links. I am trying to respect his boundaries and asking him to respect mine – I think. Maybe just respect me.
Anyway, this evening I was burning brush and thinking about the email I sent him and the therapy program I just finished and how disconnected I feel. I ended up taking burning sticks and burning over some cutting scars I have on the back of a leg. I was really mad when I first told my psychiatrist about them (first visit) and he didn’t look at them, and they should have had stitches. I’ve burned my arm and the scars are flatter, so I decided to burn the cutting scars and maybe they will end up being flatter than they were. I know the thinking isn’t rational, but that’s how it went. The burning stings for a second, but then doesn’t hurt at all. No matter how long the heat is applied. I feel very disconnected from everything when I self harm. Why is that? What is that? The disconnect last long after too. That’s my big question of the day I guess.