Big Question of the Day

Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness

Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness (Photo credit: Gemma.E.Taylor)

I just read this blog that truly explains BPD in a straight forward way. I hope everyone who reads my blog follows the link and reads it. https://authorjaenwirefly.wordpress.com/

The image illustrates some theory of famous ps...

The image illustrates some theory of famous psychologist Melanie Klein, advanced by John Steiner (1979). The theory is about how Borderline Personality Disorder develops and how it interacts with other disorders. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not a good afternoon. I had emailed my husband the above link, forever trying to explain/help him understand who or what I am, but he never responded in any way. This evening, I sent him another email saying that even if he doesn’t want to talk about it (I will respect that) it would mean a lot to me for him to acknowledge getting the email and reading it, and following/reading the links. I am trying to respect his boundaries and asking him to respect mine – I think. Maybe just respect me.

Et bål

Anyway, this evening I was burning brush and thinking about the email I sent him and the therapy program I just finished and how disconnected I feel. I ended up taking burning sticks and burning over some cutting scars I have on the back of a leg. I was really mad when I first told my psychiatrist about them (first visit) and he didn’t look at them, and they should have had stitches. I’ve burned my arm and the scars are flatter, so I decided to burn the cutting scars and maybe they will end up being flatter than they were. I know the thinking isn’t rational, but that’s how it went. The burning stings for a second, but then doesn’t hurt at all. No matter how long the heat is applied. I feel very disconnected from everything when I self harm. Why is that? What is that? The disconnect last long after too. That’s my big question of the day I guess.

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2 thoughts on “Big Question of the Day

  1. YOU wrote:
    “The burning stings for a second, but then doesn’t hurt at all. No matter how long the heat is applied. I feel very disconnected from everything when I self harm. Why is that? What is that? The disconnect last long after too. That’s my big question of the day I guess.”

    If it doesn’t hurt then it is likely that you didn’t get the neurological patterning through early movement stages as a baby/toddler. These movements pattern the brain and brings subconcious parts ‘on-line’ so that perceptions and reflexes to pain develop as they should.

    another perspective is that…..
    Our pain receptors can only take in a certain amount of pain at a time to be processed by the brain. When you are in pain (psychological) that is out of your control, then to do self harm is a way to jam the pain receptors so that the other pain that you can’t control is no longer perceptable. Self harm is something that YOU control. No it doesn’t make sense to do it because it seems like a sabatage….but it is, as you say, a coping mechanism.

    Every thing we do is an attempt to fill a need. What we choose to do may also have negative consequences.

    Love to you!

    • Yes, it does block the other. I may need some reconnection also. Others same I am controlling everything, yet I feel out of control and as if I can’t control anything. Thanks.

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