How did I Mess THIS Up?

I feel like the ashamed me in first grade who though the teacher was yelling at her to stay after school, so stayed and sat … And sat … Until questioned. Only to find out the teacher had been yelling at the student behind me. But i was too ashamed to ask why or if i was the one required to stay after school.

How do I do these things? I had a sleep study scheduled for the 29th which is today. Right? WRONG again! It’s next Sunday. Only I, in my messed up way of looking at everything, show up tonight and am nowhere to be found on the schedule. I’m adamant that tonight is the night. The receptionist starts making calls and I’m in tears. I’m finally called up, only to find out that I am on the schedule – for next Sunday. I feel like such a fool! This type of thing happens so often with me that it’s not funny. Usually it is a small thing, but for some reason it put me over the edge tonight and I can’t stop crying. Lost in space, confused, unaware of time. And today had been a good day. Now I have to go home and face Dave and Peter. I feel irresponsible for not figuring it out. I knew it was for the 29th and I know this Tuesday is the 24th. So what was my problem???? I feel ashamed and stupid.

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I feel like I don’t measure up to what others expect of me.

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2 thoughts on “How did I Mess THIS Up?

  1. This happens to me frequently. I’m always glad when I am early for the appointment rather than late because then I have another chance to make the appointment. You have to love yourself through these moments and know that it happens to others and know that there is not anyone who sees you differently because of a simple mistake of the calendar. I know my internal shame is far, far, far greater than it should be and is not ever nearly proportionate to my failings. The failings we should feel bad about is when we are intentionally bad. Having the wrong day for an appointment is not bad.

    • Thanks, my intelligence understands it was a simple mistake, but my emotions saw it as a huge blundering. I immediately started crying and felt ashamed to come home. I appreciate your empathy. Some events are SO hard!

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